I’m starting this blog with a feeling of hopefulness. Hope for my life and my daughter’s life and all of the infinite possibilities that await us. Hope for peace with my ex – and that we will come to a place where we always keep our daughter’s best interests first and foremost in our minds – no matter what it does to our own hearts. It has been almost exactly nine months to the day since I left my home and started life anew, in a one-bedroom apartment in an old character home. It has felt like living like a college student at times – my neighbours are marijuana-smokers who are just beginning their own adult lives, the washer and dryer are outside and coin-operated, and my car got keyed on the street within my first few weeks of living here.
Today, I made a list. It was a list of possibilities – of the things I really want from my life – of the type of person and mother I want to be. Someone out there once said that every journey begins with a single step. I took that first step nine months ago and removed myself from an untenable situation, but today marks a real beginning for me. I have a plan – a goal for forward movement. This plan involves being the best half time parent I can be, and creating a beautiful life for myself, my daughter, and any others with whom we collectively decide to become a family. And so – my journey begins with this blog, written just three hours before a long-awaited meeting to nail down a parenting plan with my ex partner. At this meeting, we’ll have to talk about things like our child’s schedule, child support, and how we’re going to split the holidays with our daughter for the next 15 years of her life – until she is able to make those choices for herself as an adult. I’m using this meeting as a springboard to create the vision I have for my future:
The ability to work from home
To earn enough money that I don’t need a regular paycheque from an employer
Deriving satisfaction from my job – this means being excited about work that is fun, creative, and life-changing for myself and others
Establishing a fair relationship with my ex
Taking time for fitness – recognizing that physical health breeds stable emotional health
Self-directing myself to the work that ‘feels right’
Being a positive role model for every child in my life, to demonstrate what’s possible
Using writing as a way to communicate with and inspire others
It took nine months to get here emotionally – to have the strength to actually sit down and have a conversation with my best friend about my hopes and aspirations not only for the future – but for the present as well. The process to get here has been a rough road. Anyone who has been through a significant break-up knows how hard it can be. When you add a child to the mix, you create the perfect recipe for guilt and heartbreak, but also the ability to see beauty in the smallest moments with your child that might have otherwise gone unnoticed. This blog will take you on my journey – from the beginning of the end of my past relationship, and back to the start of a new beginning for my own and my daughter’s lives. Thanks for traveling with me.